On a calm breezy morning...

Rather than venturing to the park once more, I'm in the process of finding ways to repair my shattered sink with one eye on the Wimbledon final. The dear lady placed a vase with the Pink, White and Red Roses (this goes down a treat with women) I bought her upon my return on the shelf above which fell and now there is a cracked hole. Residential Services shall not be impressed alas I'm searching for DIY stores in the area, my Grandad recommends liquid porcelain in a tube with the only alternative to tell them but the fine would be excessive especially after flooding the kitchen of the previous halls I'd probably be kicked out of University. All just two months before due to move into the posh newly built Victoria Halls. At least the sun is shining however it seems that one man, the alter ego of Plashing Vole does not like the bright, glorious weather:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jul/05/atheists-camp-dawkins-somerset

Vole himself has noted the similarities between them however I'm more concerned that Mitchell seems to be idolising/stalking Vole even with his vividly comparable appearance on the BBC's Mitchell and Webb Show especially with his hair swept to one side.

One such gentleman whom has also concerned me, Gordon Brown our PM. He visited Wolverhampton yesterday, sadly I was relaxing in the park with the lady to go and bombard him with questions which I understand he avoided many anyhow. David Cameron in the Express and Star has commented on this:

http://www.expressandstar.com/2009/07/04/tired-unelected-pm-has-run-out-of-ideas/

Lastly, I thank Cynical Ben for his honest forthright views on my short story- Vendetta of Silence. With someone of his calibre and Vole too, knowing how well read they are it can only help my story develop. He recommended many other short stories that I will look for, I never seem to read anything except the Guardian, the Times and the occasional novel. Ho ho, to the library I go.

One of the various mysteries in life...

What on earth do women chat about? How does the collaboration of four average looking ladies sitting on the same table of my carriage boarding for the West Midlands whilst in such beautiful surroundings of North Yorkshire manage such randomised endless bullshit? Tonight for instance, a jolly good laugh however the virus has clearly struck the lady too especially on her phone but I excuse this seeing as it's her.

Now, I may be extremely taciturn and when I do actually speak with interest with a stranger/associate/trusted it is strictly pragmatic and wholly different to how I would speak to a lady. My stance as I basically follow the same pattern of questioning: 'How you doing?', 'Are you still with so and so?', 'Did you watch the match/game/fight/TV show?' and importantly, 'What are you doing after your degree/apprenticeship/on guard in the Army/job?'. I only care of persons with aspirations and character, I realized this upon my journey which I was suffering from the absent minded women and I heard amongst the haze of giggly voices 'I can't believe you did that!’ I nearly stood up, glared them down armed with my GQ magazine with the delightful Megan Fox on the cover (not cool, I know but it was that or the dreaded Loaded or worse... Nuts or Zoo).

Amusingly, I played my associates mix tape loudly on my laptop in the 'Quiet Zone' which is like a red rag to a bull (just like fire extinguishers in my school years I luckily got put in isolation for weeks) regardless of the fact my whole life is a 'Quiet Zone' hence the hearing aid I had in when I should have two. Which may explain my reserved self in a social context, I have to communicate mostly via lip reading; it's tiring so I stick to the pattern thus preserving energy for more enjoyable past-times or occasionally blame my hearing loss hoping they would leave me in peace which I'm aware is evil and sophist.

So, I ask again... What is it that women process within themselves that allow such irrational conversation? It is an evil spirit descended from months no sex/undesirable sex and too much make up/booze/fake tannery or is it me that has the issue? Am I too blinkered in my socializing that I may, shockingly one day ask something completely random and friendly like 'Wow... that's rather nice your jacket MATE, where did you get that from?' provoking a furious response if in Yorkshire and possibly be murdered but at least I'd feel like a 21st Century Twit, right? I couldn't think of anything worse.

On a lighter note; I've finished my second draft of Vendetta of Silence and I'm so sick of it that I shall enter it with a warning on top, 'Do not read if you are depressed'. I hope they recognize my desire to be the Manchester Young Persons Writer and emulate in some way the great Simon Armitage (Merciless Public said I have a man crush on him, this is not the case) however the downside is that I'd have to converse with more delusional people or hippies as I call them.

Decisions, Decisions and Decisions.

We all have them, moments in which you have decide upon future actions or face dire consequences and I'm not talking the 'Do I spread my toast with butter AND Marmite or just be normal have marmalade?' kind.

If you'd read my blog previously, you'd see I have written my thoughts on writing/teaching and various other things that perhaps are irrelevant as Glastonbury (my lady went, she'd done a blog about it all and yes, I feel less empty without her till Friday but not much).

It seems there is an opening for Hearing Audiologist in the area with training for two years full paid and you get a wage too then a Foundation degree in the field. Which would be useful if I ever became a teacher and I could help the deaf child in my class fix his/her aid besides I have 15 years experience in the Audiology world thanks to my own hearing loss? It could be completed alongside my English Literature degree also I'd have my Foundation BA Business Management degree to complete in the future. So ideally I'd retire and have my own company perhaps in Australia specialising in Hearing Aid care or whatever futuristic device is invented whilst my legs have gone and my hair is greyer than the Midland skies.

However, then comes the deciding factor namely one Ed Balls of the Government's Mafia who wishes to do this:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article6611074.ece

Would they even let me be a teacher? I could have the PGCE, a 2:1 in English Literature and Deaf Studies and various other qualifications. Would this even be enough? I'd have to pass some kind of test, it seems. I'd feel more confident applying for the SAS, at least then I'd able to prove my steel like emotion but putting a few bullets in people. This seems outrageous and almost insulting to all the good teachers out there.

Maybe I should just leave the country and sell myself to Chinese labour.

The Importance of Self Confidence

Do you feel you've reached an equilibrium in your life with an rising confidence in yourself but not beyond into the dark realms of arrogance? I've noted a remarkable difference in my self confidence since arriving at University to the point whereby I'm no longer a brooding 18 year old with an 1000 yard glare (on occasion it has been known I do this still) and I've become more talkative in a more welcoming environment. I guess it's called maturity, helped by my current dear lady whom is raving in Glastonbury with hippies thus I'm not overly pleased at the moment but thankfully I shall see her soon.

The egocentrics amongst us will always say they had bundles of confidence and their humour/looks/personality won people over without even trying however another thing I found this year is that they are the first people to shy away from: a fight/a decent conversation/a pretty lady that they know they could never charm effectively.

My associate Mr Zepplin, one of the reasons I did this blog and of course the inspirational Plashing Vole has similar sized ego to myself after all we are brothers from different mothers hence he has has the same layout blog in tribute: http://gregzepplin.blogspot.com/

So, as the question originally asked: Do you feel less or more confident than you did a year ago and if not, what do you wish to do about this?

What a depressing day.

If it's not the hypocritical media, it's the teenagers (yes, I'm barely 20 but it's the 14 year olds I'm referring to) who were not alive around the peak of Micheal Jackson's powers all wallowing in grief for a man they haven't even been in the same continent as for their entire lives. It is a tragedy and yes, in this cold ruthless world some may argue it is paramount that we show class, integrity and allow those to cry for their hero of such a important figure in popular culture. However as much as that sounds idyllic, we cannot rest on our laurels and allow the media hyperbole of such a passing covers over the cracks in current affairs; the recent diabolic area of conflict over Iran, the continuation of kidnapping British civilians in Iraq and the intricate methods of ending such a war that didn't need to happen.

I type away with a possible broken bone in my foot from a heavily twisted ankle from footballing yesterday with the rain pouring and I feel nothing but sympathy for those killed in the battlefields in the amidst of Armed Forces Day tomorrow. For Micheal Jackson, I feel it was his time and the stresses of the tour would of taken so much out of his frail body that he would only fall into deep exhaustion and even depression once it was over because it would of been the end of his career despite the pinnacle it may have it been.

God bless all those who have died recently, may your deaths not be in vain. On a side note, I read this earlier on the subject of British inventiveness and Canadian assistance in murdering their own sheep in preparation of an Allied attack on the enemy. Rather interesting I thought.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article6578583.ece

If You Change History, how would you do it?

Just as the question asks, would you change a particular incident or kill someone off before they caused mass of destruction ala Hitler, Stalin which the Times piece reflected a few days ago:

http://timesonline.typepad.com/comment/2009/06/if-you-could-travel-back-in-time-and-intervene-at-one-moment-in-history-what-would-you-do-that-was-michael-goves-question.html

Personally I liked all the points made however none focused on the recent crimes in Africa, the Mugabe reign is one I would end in an instant if I had many choices. Murdering Hitler would of been too easy, another Nationalist would of come along to provoke the angry and betrayed Germans into striking back and as one commented, could of been a even worse as a ' better strategist and military leader than Hitler, but still as evil. The consequences of which are unthinkable'.

What do you think? Comments are more then welcome.

Ménière's Disease

Earlier whilst watching Sky Sports News and scribbling down ideas for articles and short stories I inveighed writing about the condition discovered by a Frenchman in the 1861. I've thought recently whether or not I actually have this considering I do have similar symptoms; tinnitus, dizziness and progressive hearing loss but surely my audiologist would of spotted this over the years yet that said, I haven't seen him for nearly 18 months now and when I did he said I'd be completely deaf within 15-20 years. So that's something to look forward to...

Actually Julius Cesar, Marylin Monroe and Martin Luther had it, the latter suspected it was the work of Satan. Not to mention Apple's marketing kingpin in the 80's and 90's Guy Kawasaki also CEO of ACIUS suffers from the condition too, here's his blog http://blog.guykawasaki.com/

I shall head to the gym now and then start ringing people about vacant jobs, that'll go well (!)

Bloody Mondays.

After a good nights sleep for the first time in what feels like months, I awoke to an email from the editor of the Hearing Times stating that my articles are hardly in keeping with the style of the paper and I should 'hone my writing skills'. Yet they still want me to write for them when I've developed a more simplistic stance but that is not what I write for and I couldn't even if I wanted to, it makes me feel sickened reading something so dire and boring. After explaining that I realise my writing can be exaggerated and complex I felt like boarding the train to Surrey and hitch-hiking till I found their offices then having words.

My facebook status: 'questioning his own writing prominence and tempted to join the hippy troupe'.

Perhaps my writing can be almost incoherent to those who do not read much or merely wish scan through spotting the latest news with no time or regard for another ambitious piece of mine. But then as a deaf person, aren't I well within my rights to write in whichever way I want?

The Hearing Times staff are actually all hearing with no idea what it is like to even have a 10 per cent hearing loss let alone 95 per cent like myself and other profoundly deaf people. Maybe that is the issue, in my desperation to be on a equal level to those in the journalistic positions alike to how I speak and lip read within hearing group situations that 9 out of 10 do not even consider that I actually have a hearing loss when it would be far easier for myself to just say so.

Do I keep to my stubborn, complex demeanour and writing whilst incurring troubles along the way or change to someone not pencilled under 'needs psychiatrist attention'? Only time will tell.

BBC Four: Currently The Finest Channel on Television?

I ask this on the aftermath of watching perhaps the finest Henry VIII programme to rival the likes of David Starkey not to forget the Poetry season and many cultural shows that put the rest of the BBC to shame. In the midst of 'Henry VIII: Patron or Plunderer?' available readily on iPlayer where I've just watched it as the dear lady sleeps.

It was perhaps a rarity for a documentary, it was eye-opening and deeply interesting to see the architectural developments ties to Henry's reign. Also the importance of the Tudor dynasty to the world renowned educational power house of Cambridge and two colleges- Christ and St Johns that still to this day look remarkable. My brother is an successful architect however even if these buildings as inconceivable as it would be to build them now without such chaotic planning were commissioned by say, the Queen to design now he and many of his counterparts would probably struggle to grasp the aura and outstanding features. The presenter to his credit did his best to recreate the vividness of the buildings in those days with his quick sketches and eloquence through out.

Of course even in architecture, Henry found and ruthlessly executed threats such as the Duke of Buckingham in 1521 on grounds of treason (essentially he had Royal ties and plenty of money to match). Almost a creation to deceive the public much like threat of terrorism that looms over us of the Tudor times- the wealthy whom were seen as too greedy and self involved which is ironic considering even the patronage that ambitious monarch is underrated for as his legacy is more synonymous for his pure lust for women and bloody recursions for those who crossed him.

So inspiring that I've even started a second short story for the Manchester Young Person's Writer competition set in the Tudor times, a young knight whom after the Battle of the Spurs returns disillusioned and is soon seen as a rival so forced to live in exile until his return 20 years later to defend his proud family name leading to tragedy. Those who read my work previously will notice I tend to forgone the conclusion that an happy ending is possible with as much grittiness whilst attempting to write in a elegant manner that many may see as too complex.

Additionally, I've written articles hopefully to be of interest for the Hearing Times on matters such as subtitling, an emerging Deaf modelling talent and the story of a friend whom was a victim to police discrimination of the Deaf and their brutality (a recurring theme in the first short story). It took place in Ibiza whilst holidaying so hopefully that exclusive, rather well timed after the terrible (I liked the part at the end with the officer pushing the chav away I must admit) Police video in Nottingham of the drunken individual and four officers so a word or two of advice for my fellow 20 year olds- don't drink excessively, the Police if not the local thugs will get you.

Now it's time to sleep as one must head back to the delightful surroundings of North Yorkshire for two weeks back at home before undertaking charity meetings and Houses of Parliament campaign planning for the disability rights. Hopefully an administration job in the city too seeing as my employment at a restaurant ceased without even so much a letter of notification (perhaps I needed to be less threatening and more friendly but then again, what's the fun in that).

The Story of Frank Stigler and Charlie Brown.

Lovely day, I rampaged around the city centre basking in the sun in hope of securing interest from vacant bar tending jobs. The weekend went well with visits from the family and meeting the lady's father whom took us for a meal. Upon my return I read the papers and saw a marvellous story of wartime chivalry.

21 year old American Charlie Brown was a B-17 Flying Fortress pilot with the 379th Bomber Group at Kimbolton, England. His B-17 was called 'Ye Old Pub' and was in a terrible state, having been hit countless times. The compass was damaged and they were flying deeper over enemy territory instead of heading home to Kimbolton in Cambridgeshire

After flying the B-17 over an enemy airfield, a German pilot named Franz Steigler was ordered to take off and shoot down the B-17. When he got near the B-17, he could not believe his eyes. In his words, "it was the most heavily damaged aircraft I ever saw that was still flying" and it was inhumane to kill them "It would be like shooting at a parachute". The tail and rear section was severely damaged, and the tail gunner wounded not to mention the top gunner was all over the top of the fuselage. The nose was smashed and there were holes everywhere. Despite having ammunition, Franz flew to the side of the B-17 and looked at Charlie Brown, the pilot. Brown was scared and struggling to control his damaged and blood-stained plane. Aware that they had no idea where they were going, Franz waved at Charlie to turn 180 degrees. Franz escorted and guided the stricken plane to, and slightly over, the North Sea towards England. He then saluted Charlie Brown and turned away, back to Europe.

Amazing considering the situation of how essential air attacks on the outcome of the war not to mention that Stigler was one four-engine bomber strike away from a Knight's Cross which is the highest decoration for German wartime fliers. They became friends 40 years later after Brown tracked him down, they never lived more then 200 miles apart in all that time. Strigler was still flying Messerschmitt's at air shows until his death last year and Brown soon after perished when it all could of been so different.